“I want to hear about the thrill of the safe, the glowing feeling that consume us if we only stop to consider how magical and how precious it is — someone loves us for who we are, in all our forms, at every time of day. Someone wants to be there for us when it isn’t easy, when it isn’t convenient, and when the electricity of the new has worn off. This “boring” love, as we can sometimes consider it, is only as mundane or as familiar as we allow it to be. Sure, falling for someone is wonderful. And yes, breakups can be the inspiration for a million new beginnings, but the love that exists between them — if it can last — is more powerful with a whisper than the rest of it is with a scream.”— Chelsea Fagan (‘Three Cheers for “Boring” Love’)
I think in trying to make up for the control freak I’ve seen myself become in relationships, I tried to find places (or people, rather) that (whom) I could go to where I cared less for perfection. And knowing that if I cared less, I would try to know and find out and ‘control’ less.
I think that aptly explains my supposed ‘carefree’, chance-taking behaviour.
edit: or that could just be one of a billion insecurities excusing myself.
I reckon that phone call spawned some quite-good (however, private,) creative writing material, if things based on real life can still be classed as ‘creative’…
I’m sorry in advance if I’ve messed things up for us (which I really hope I haven’t). See, I like it enough and am comfortable enough to let it go on, but I think it’s best to clarify what’s going on sooner rather than later. It had to be done, sometime.
This carefree attitude you carry in everything you do; so unnerving, so invigorating. The way you can just sweep me up in a torrent of smiles and laughs and cuddles that mean nothing to you, but the world to me. You dance across the pages I read, the pages I write, the pages I leave blank when you render me speechless. You spin me around, disorientate me, breathe into me, revive me. I want to learn from you, a grace that trips me up, a passion that mutes me.
you are the lightning, the thunder, the typhoon, the rain and the snow. you are the world.
and i’m desperate to be a part of you.
this might be a little too fluffy for your liking, but i want to be the white clouds floating against your blue sky. i want to be a reason for the ecstasy, with which you’ll glide down rainbows and splash into clouds.
i want to be a reason for which your days are a little brighter, because that’s what you certainly are, for me.
When you’re really into someone you’ll want them completely presently. You’ll want to absorb them, memorize them how they are, stand back and reach into the texture of their world if only for a moment. You won’t want to imagine a future or imagine the possibilities, won’t be able to paste yourself next to them in photos or think about what if,you won’t do any of that because for now they’re beautiful and weightless and you don’t want to wake up and wreck it all by trying to hold down a beautiful thing.
to be fearful of confronting a situation because you don’t want to mess it up, change it, ruin it. this is far too applicable and i don’t know whether being made aware of it is a good thing or not.
thought you were the one, never knew what we were doing, no, you didn’t know when to stop all of your games, and you left me here, left me without any shame.
and so the truth came out, you couldn’t promise me the love that i was pouring out for you, and when you went away, i couldn’t get you out of my mind, oh i was broken down for you,
500 days, i know, it wasn’t the best, but i won’t ever forget, no, i won’t ever forget you,
i gotta be frank: i can’t imagine me with anyone other than you, you got me feeling like my dreams came true, you made me feel good, like no one else existed, like summer was here every day of the year, now it’s just my wishful thinking,
and there is a light, and it never goes out, and there is a promise, and i don’t mean to scream and shout, but there is a fog, and it’s blocking that light, gotta let you go, no use in fighting this fight,