a little fall of rain

you lift my feet off the ground, you spin me around,

you make me crazier, crazier : )

christianmingle:

what if the internet doesnt actually exist and youre just mentally insane and staring at a box pretending there is light coming out of it and youre talking to people

i want to write when i’m happy.

it used to be the other way around, writing was a bit of an escape for me and i only ever wanted to when i was upset, because i needed the most expression around then.

nowadays, when i’m upset, i just want to wallow, wallow and wallow, but when i’m happy.

all i want to do is express it in every imaginable way, be it in my smile or in my writing.

i think i might like this better, it makes my writing a little less dark and depressing : )

___

edit: i’ve been happy for much of the past few weeks, i’m feeling so great about feeling great : )

I think in trying to make up for the control freak I’ve seen myself become in relationships, I tried to find places (or people, rather) that (whom) I could go to where I cared less for perfection. And knowing that if I cared less, I would try to know and find out and ‘control’ less.

I think that aptly explains my supposed ‘carefree’, chance-taking behaviour.

edit: or that could just be one of a billion insecurities excusing myself.

I reckon that phone call spawned some quite-good (however, private,) creative writing material, if things based on real life can still be classed as ‘creative’…

I’m sorry in advance if I’ve messed things up for us (which I really hope I haven’t). See, I like it enough and am comfortable enough to let it go on, but I think it’s best to clarify what’s going on sooner rather than later. It had to be done, sometime.

I hope things don’t change for the worse.

could I possibly quit while I’m ahead and leave before everything I know and love right now is blown to smithereens? that would be fantastic.

by the way, i want to believe you but there are just so many points i could imagine against me, i’m sorry. but i know we’ll sort it out. we always do …

This carefree attitude you carry in everything you do; so unnerving, so invigorating.  The way you can just sweep me up in a torrent of smiles and laughs and cuddles that mean nothing to you, but the world to me.  You dance across the pages I read, the pages I write, the pages I leave blank when you render me speechless.  You spin me around, disorientate me, breathe into me, revive me.  I want to learn from you, a grace that trips me up, a passion that mutes me.  

you are the lightning, the thunder, the typhoon, the rain and the snow.  you are the world.

and i’m desperate to be a part of you.

this might be a little too fluffy for your liking, but i want to be the white clouds floating against your blue sky.  i want to be a reason for the ecstasy, with which you’ll glide down rainbows and splash into clouds.  

i want to be a reason for which your days are a little brighter, because that’s what you certainly are, for me.

When you’re really into someone you’ll want them completely presently. You’ll want to absorb them, memorize them how they are, stand back and reach into the texture of their world if only for a moment. You won’t want to imagine a future or imagine the possibilities, won’t be able to paste yourself next to them in photos or think about what if,you won’t do any of that because for now they’re beautiful and weightless and you don’t want to wake up and wreck it all by trying to hold down a beautiful thing.

to be fearful of confronting a situation because you don’t want to mess it up, change it, ruin it.  this is far too applicable and i don’t know whether being made aware of it is a good thing or not.

• found out i’m allowed to apply to the university in hong kong that is best at film but shit by its name,
• got psychology mock over with
• spent fun times after school waiting for film awards
• school film awards, 3 nominations, 1 win, (yeah!)
• walked in the rain in heels through victoria park
• sat and chilled in mcdonalds for about three hours

i like it. i like it i like it i like it.